Douche Bouquet

douchebouquet — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 21:11:15 +0000

Looking at who visits DoucheBouquet.com …… it’s clear that people who work at law firms and universities have lots of time on their hands.

douchebouquet — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:04:35 +0000

We’ve got addresses for most people, but all of our Kanye West addresses get returned. Anyone got Kanye’s address? He’s got some DB’s waiting here for him and if anyone needs 5′ of asstube, he does.

douchebouquet — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:33:55 +0000

What we learned from the Toyota debacle: Steve Wozniak may be a gigantour dbag.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak drives a Prius. So even with billions of dollars, he’s still not cool.

He also claimed in his 2006 autobio that he invented the PC. Huh. Where would be be without him and Al Gore?

douchebouquet — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 01:51:55 +0000

more on the Google & Yahoo dust-up coming soon …… stayed tuned ……

douchebouquet — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 01:08:57 +0000

I, Harry Balsanga, got onto the Facebook where all the kids are. I found a bunch of people to ‘friend,’ such as Lindsey Graham, Kanye West, Chinese People and Vlad the Impaler.

Lindsey got back to me within minutes. Of course he wants to be my friend. Then, my homepage (or whatever it’s called) on facebook is flooded with Lindsey Graham activity. Seriously, the entire page. All in less than an hour.

It kinda seems to me that Lindsey should maybe get off the facebook and, I dunno, do whatever senators do. Rape and pillage and hook-up with dudes in airport bathroom stalls.

If you care, Harry & Douche Bouquet are on facebook …..

douchebouquet — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 01:01:04 +0000

If every time someone sent us an email expounding how hilarious douchebouquet.com he instead actually bought a Douche Bouquet, I’d be in my Ferrari instead of writing this.

Comedy doesn’t pay …. well, unless NBC calls to let us know that Jay Leno wants his website back.

douchebouquet — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:06:32 +0000

Department of Justice Seeks Retarded Lawyers.

Really. Literally.

“The Civil Rights Division encourages qualified applicants with targeted disabilities to apply. Targeted disabilities are deafness, blindness, missing extremities, partial or complete paralysis, convulsive disorder, mental retardation, mental illness, severe distortion of limbs and/or spine. Applicants who meet the qualification requirements and are able to perform the essential functions of the position with or without reasonable accommodation are encouraged to identify targeted disabilities in response to the questions in the Avue application system seeking that information.”

http://www.justice.gov/oarm/jobs/attorneyvotingoarm2010.htm

douchebouquet — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:12:06 +0000

Nothing causes one to lose faith in humanity like douchebouquet.com website keyword stats. These aren’t just the words people searched for; they’re the words that brought them to douchebouquet.com

Who searches for “Valentine Day Gift Idea Boyfriend” and clicks on douchebouquet.com? Or “Valentine Cake Recipes”? Or “Bible verses that will work with Valentine’s”? Or “shoprite product Knorr jamaican jerk paste”?

You probably think I made up that last one. But really, who can make that up?

Then there are those searches for “100% jerk material.” Wonder what he thought he was getting when he clicked on douchebouquet.com.

Then there’s “mexican suck tube.” Not really sure if were talking about an action, person, place or thing, but doubtful the tacos on douchebouquet satisfied his quest.

And how about this search: “Hate comes from Anger. Anger comes from hurt. Hurt comes from love”? Sounds like someone is trying out a legal defense. I suspect he’ll have 10-20 to improve it.

douchebouquet — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:12:44 +0000

Steve Jobs says Google’s “Don’t Be Evil” is “bullshit.” Sure, we’d agree, but odd how he didn’t mention Google’s banning of the Douche Bouquet …….. and that dude thinks he’s cutting-edge …….

douchebouquet — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 02:03:38 +0000

Yahoo takes ads from DildoVibes.com and FuckBookDating.com (for prostitutes). Their ad for AdultFriendFinder has the headline WOMEN FOR SEX. If you search for ‘dike’ you get served an ad for FREE ADULT LESBIAN XXX VIDEOS (not a search result, an advertisement — eg, Yahoo approved it).

And if you want a Nazi poster? Cool, the top ad will be for this Nazi Poster:

That says “Help Hitler Build” — you know … schools, roads, death camps. Want to impress your friends by hanging that poster in your living room? Cool, just search for it on Yahoo — you’ll get the Yahoo-approved ad.

But Yahoo won’t take an ad from Douche Bouquet — not because the ad was offensive but because the product was (in their words, the product is ‘unacceptable’). Not the ad. Not the keywords. The product.

Clearly, I need to sell a more upstanding and decorous product, like Nazi Lesbian Dildos.